BASTARD FROM A BASKET: There Will Be Blood and how it is unironically perfect

Few things are more depressing to me than when genuinely perfect cinematic feats are reduced to a few catchy lines or an iconic scene. Take 2004's Der Untergang, for example, a German film chronicling Hitler's last days cooped up in his bunker. One of the top 100 films ever released on IMDb? Countless Bambi award winner? Oscar nominated masterpiece? Nah, who gives two shits. The internet in all its glory has forever reduced Der Untergang to a single scene of a shouting, red-faced, and incredibly irate Hitler pounding on a table due to god-knows-what. But who cares? It's extra hilarious with fake subtitles about the new iPad. Look ma, no hands!

The same goes for one of my favorite films of all time, There Will Be Blood, a 2007 release by Paul Thomas Anderson, with the magical ever-disappearing fairy princess of the British thespian world- Daniel Day Lewis.

Usually my conversations about this film go as follows:

Casual bystander: So what's your favorite movie?
Me: Well, probably There Will Be Blood.
(Casual bystander is overcome with a quizzical look)
Me: With Daniel Day Lewis?
Casual bystander: ...
Me: About oil tycoons at the turn of the century?
Casual bystander: ...
Me: That one movie where that one guy goes 'I drink your milkshake.'
Casual bystander: Oh that one yeah I think I saw that.

All right that scene is admittedly unintentionally hilarious. And sometimes I like to think of There Will Be Blood as a comedy about bowling and father-son relationships. And Daniel Day Lewis and his method acting and his mustache are probably all I'll ever need in life.

But let's get kind of serious over here. There Will Be Blood is nothing short of a masterpiece. Its plotline is so beautifully complicated, balanced out with simple, incredibly moving scenes of Plainview and his son. Daniel Day Lewis' acting is off-the-rocker fabulous. That "I've abandoned by child" scene makes me want to die and never come back. To be honest, this film is everything I will ever need. It should be showered with Oscars from now until forever in every category.

Honestly though if the only reason you've ever heard of this creation has to do with milkshakes, you should quit your homeostasis until you get your derriere to a Blockbuster and rent the thing.

I leave you with a word of wisdom from Daniel "Drainage" Plainview: